You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
