Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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