im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
