not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
