i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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