Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
