Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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