I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
