there was a trapeze. enough said
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
