i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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