when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
