i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I skipped work to stalk him.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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