I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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