lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she looked like the before picture.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
