Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
