he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
