I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
