I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
