oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
