At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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