You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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