oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
