I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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