I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
