I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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