I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
