The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
