why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
