I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
