How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
