Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
