he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We talked him into tasing himself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
