HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was like eating out sand paper
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
