i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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