she was so not down for the gang bang
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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