I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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