I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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