somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
