Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need to calm my uterus...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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