All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
