Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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