Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
