Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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