I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
