I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
