tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
