I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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