So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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