I will die if light touches me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
