Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
