I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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