Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
